22 November 2008


I'm sitting here in my room really wishing that Isaac could have slept over. It's such a cold night. We could have kept each other warm and fallen asleep. We could have woken up to a cold morning and sunlight streaming through the blinds. We could have gotten dressed, pulled on our jeans over our thermal underthings, put on our sweaters and cardigans and coats and warm things, and stepped out in the chilly morning to drive somewhere to have breakfast. We could have spent the afternoon together before I had to go to work at four. It would have been perfect. But he can't. And he won't be able to because of his parents, because they think it's wrong and don't even know how much we are in love. And that makes me sad. I wish they knew me and approved. Usually I try not to let this bother me but tonight I remembered and I couldn't keep it from making me sad. I pushed him away and I'm sorry I did that but I couldn't pretend to be happy, not tonight. I couldn't be satisfied that he was there with me, at that moment. I couldn't walk him to the door and give him kisses and hugs good-bye. All I could think about were the lovely times we could be having if he were allowed to stay over sometimes. Staying up late and laughing and loving and waking up to each other.

I will try to change the subject and write about something else. Like how I am loving the cold weather. Like how my grandparents are coming tomorrow for Thanksgiving. They will be here for a week and I'm sure there will be lots of baking. Like how amazing Unwed Sailor was, how amazing it was to see them play Copper Islands, my favorite song. Like how I've been devouring lots of books. This month alone I've read ten books. And at the moment I'm in the midst of three more. Like how I will be seeing Chelsea Main in a couple of days, meeting for coffee and talking about our lives. It's been so long since I've seen here. Like how Geraldi will be coming down sometime this week. It's been months since I've seen her, too. And, of course, all the amazing moments and time I spend with Isaac. All the kissing and love making and whispers. These things make me smile. I should remember that.


teena said...

yes, remember all the good things in your life :)

im sorry your love cannot stay the night with you. i hope that changes soon.

Mari said...

Thank you, I hope so too.

Kristy said...

this picture is really beautiful.

annie pea said...

I don' know how you do it. That kind of stuff is soul distroying. I hate to be the one to put it out there but if he really loves you and you want to be together he should tell his parents how it is. Though I don't know the situation I think you will pleasently surprised how they react. He needs to take charge of his life than be dictated to by parents.